Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Send help, water and tortillas.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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