six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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