If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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