She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
