tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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