god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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