it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
