i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
