Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this will be a night to untag.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
