I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
