I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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