Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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