He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
