I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
