Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
