i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
