if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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