hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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