so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you inspire me to be a worse person
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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