So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
