i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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