I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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