Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
