Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize