You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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