So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
