i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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