I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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