Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
