I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
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