so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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