Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
