Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
