how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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