I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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