I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You can't motorboat a personality
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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