is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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