If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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