He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
