Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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