a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
