If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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