trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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