we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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