Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
