i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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