is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
