I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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