my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
