shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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