RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
