6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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