I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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