dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your dad touched me again.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
