woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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