I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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