my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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