You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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