I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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