Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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