GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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