Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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