I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
