Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
