Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
