A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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