OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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