and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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