if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
