i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
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No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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