I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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