Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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