Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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