The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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