You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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