Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
